I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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