i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
