You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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