im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize