Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
