Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
