God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
