i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't turn off my feet"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
