i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This is my gift to your gina
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
