Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
