life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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