A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So apparently I’m into choking now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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