kristin has been a bad kristin
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
