I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
