Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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