Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We're too hungover to prance.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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