google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
