Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your dad touched me again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
