Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
