dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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