Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
