what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the liver wants what the liver wants
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
