I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
