I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
