i don't like sucking hair
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
