drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
