My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
