Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
