I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
