So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
