He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
