I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
