Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
