??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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