you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
