his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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