I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
