I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
