Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you still have your period?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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