So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
