It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
