i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
