I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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