IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
