we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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