oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
