Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
