just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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