i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
A bitchslap is in order.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
