did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How naked do you want me to be?
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