what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize