yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
