I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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