It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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