I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize