We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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