I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
