small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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