oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
