Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
