This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
