he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
