Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize