A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Farmville is her only friend.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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