the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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