Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You ruined the universe
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
