the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
