Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
