woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
