I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
